It Does NOT Run In The Family

My brother sent me a Microsoft Word file some time ago when he wanted me to take a look at his scholarship application essay. He was supposed to write about the reasons he deserved the scholarship. I told him to make it interesting and avoid writing a run-of-the-mill essay that the other ten thousand applicants would submit, so this was what he had written:

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. Then, came xinghan. He is a smart and extra curricular boy. Also, he is a prefect! In addition, he a lot of admires that bought him a lot of chocolate on valentime day. Thank you.

Please donate generously to finance my family's lifelong therapy sessions.

The Poo Speaks Up

The Poo a.k.a. Spudnik a.k.a. Buttcakes a.k.a. Raj sent me this:





My bestie loves me.

Many people wonder what we could possibly have in common, somewhere between his romantic poem "The Cemented Puppy" and my extremely emotional response to roadkill. But we're united when...


Xing: How do you feel about "The Poo Speaks Up" as a title?

Raj : NO. Stop calling me that. It might stick.

Xing: I'll take that as a yes.

Sayaaaaaaaaaaaaaaang The Poo.

Spring Cleaning: Accessories

I've been Zen-ing lately and started to clean my room. I heard that having a clear room is the same as having a clear mind, so I'm going to give it a go, though I wouldn't hold my breath waiting for my blog to be full of wholesome goodness if I were you. While cleaning my stuff, I found loads of things I've forgotten I had. Behold my prettiful things!


About 10% of my earrings stash. Notice the Pikachu ones on the left? The ones with the green background are actually belly rings but I wear them as earrings because I already have a belly ring in the same colour but with a thicker bar. The daisy ones are SO cute and I got them with two other pairs at RM10!I wear the two sharp ones daily in my right ear.



I put most of my accessories in this ex-mooncake box. The first tier is for earrings. The second tier is for bracelets and bangles. The third tier is for necklaces and chokers.



I used Photoshop to play with the brightness and contrast of this photo. These are just a few of my bracelets.



Bracelets again, but this time, less brightness and contrast editing.

One of my favourite buys. It's unique. It's quirky. It's spooky. It's mysterious. It's RM3 (the pendant on its own)!!! Tasha's words of wisdom: "It's RM3 because no one would ever want it. It should be RM1. Or free. I still wouldn't want it." Party pooper.

There's my ex-mooncake-box-turned-3-compartment-accessory-storage-box. Next to it is a floral-print 3-drawer miniature vanity table, with more accessories inside! First drawer: necklaces with shells. Second drawer: necklaces with plastic and glass beads. Third drawer: brooches and rings.

My mum bought this in Netherlands (Holland), I think. Then the links broke so she gave it to me to play with when I was younger. Now that I'm 5 parts adult and one part Satan, I actually want to wear it. I love the design!It's oddly classy yet with a twist of modern charm. If anyone knows where I can fix the links at a cheap price, please let me know!



This necklace, as socially unacceptable as it is (banned from public sight in 8 states), is very special to me. My grandma helped me string it with my bead set when I was a kid.

It's Becoming A Slightly Disturbing Hobby

Very pretty, pink and floral-print dress. Perfect summer dress. Only Rm39.90, but the quality isn't anything to shout about. The cut fits oddly too. Still on the fence: to buy or not to buy?

A very decent dress. Good for office-wear, I suppose but too dowdy for me. Tasha said it makes me look classy(I suspect she wants me to look like a 40-year-old spinster/teacher). RM29.90; the quality is not too bad. Hides hips well but probably not a tummy. Worth buying to wear for work, maybe add a red belt or waist clinch belt to keep it young.

I love the print, I really do. I know it's so "auntie" but it's so unique and retro! The cut is very weird; after the smocked middle part, the rest balloons out. Tasha reckons "it's so (me)" because it's "weird and nobody wants it". Gotta love that Tasha sass!

Black halter top and white shorts. The top is of good quality. The shorts: not too bad but the material looks very crumpled. Love the shorts though. Gives your legs an instant tan look in contrast to the white.

We all have our vices. Don't judge me. Hmph.

A Million Things

There are:

A million things
That you could say,
To steal my pain
Away.

A million things
That you could say,
To make it all
Okay.

A million things
That you could do,
To build our one
From two.

A million things
That you could do,
To salvage what
You threw.

A million things
You could rewrite,
To again let us
Unite.

A million things
You could rewrite,
This time we’d
Get it right.

And yet those million things
Weren’t done,
Because you chose
To run.

And for those million things
Undone,
Perhaps you weren't
The One.

Dating 101

*For Ka-Hui and Aaron* =)

Welcome to another lecture on dating. Today’s topic is ‘Dating: A Dance of Death’. Just because I feel like being morbid.

How you behave on a date affects how he/she perceives you as a human being. Table manners = IMPORTANT. While you shouldn’t be too formal (dude, you’re not dining with Queen Elizabeth) to the point of making things awkward, you should try to remember to cover the basics:

1) Sometimes it’s hard to know if you should offer to pay (especially for girls). If either party has already mentioned something along the lines of “Eh, I belanja dinner, nak?” or “It’s on me,” before the date, then you can safely assume that the person is okay with settling the bill.

However, if there is no prior indication, watch for body language when the bill comes and try to interpret it. For instance, taking out your purse/wallet shows that you’re ready to pay for your share. Try to avoid a situation in which the waiter is standing at your table waiting and the two of you proceed to have a verbal ping-pong match over who should foot the bill.

What you can do is let the other party (usually the guy) pay first and then after the waiter leaves, discreetly offer to pay for your share. This would allow the guy to keep his ego intact, while not driving him to bankruptcy. Money matters, in courtship, are very delicate and there isn’t any one solution that would apply to all situations. Learn from experience.

2) Never put your knife into your mouth. Really. Never. Ever. You don’t only risk injury to yourself; you risk looking a bit boorish.

3) I don’t know why guys like stealing my food, but they do, even when it's not a date. Sometimes, they even go as far as to point at something and when I turn to look, they grab my food. Grrrrrrssssh. If you want the fish, order the fish. It’s not that cute. I let it slide because I’m so, like, totally cool (and too awesome for words), but other people might frown upon this behaviour. Unless you’re really close to that person, I don’t recommend it.

4) If you order spaghetti (which you should try to avoid, especially on the first date), how you use your fork matters. You’re supposed to twist the fork and twirl the pasta around it. It’s quite hard to explain and I’m sure most of you already know what I mean, but if you really need it, I suggest Googling for a video tutorial. And yes, Googling is a word. And yes, because I said so.

5) Do not talk with food in your mouth. If you must, cover your mouth with your hand. Your mama was right about this.

6) There are some foods you should try to avoid on dates. You might love these dishes but they can be messy and troublesome. Here are some known offenders:

· Long noodles/pasta
– It’s difficult to eat without being messy.

· Crab (though anything with a really hard shell can be included)
– It’s difficult to eat without being messy and bits of the shell can actually fly across the table and hit your date in the eye, blinding them forever. Not exactly the perfect start to a healthy relationship.

· Anything that can easily splash and stain (e.g. Laksa, Tom Yum, curry)
– This one is pretty self-explanatory.

· Pastry that crumbles easily (think of the gourmet soup with pastry on top at Secret Recipe)
– If you’re not careful, you can end up with bits of pastry stuck all over your lips and around your mouth. It can be a pain in the ass to get them off too.

· Rich chocolaty dessert
– I know this is hard to resist. If you have to have some, make sure you have warm or lukewarm water on hand to rinse out the stains on your teeth. Otherwise…good luck not smiling.

· Extremely spicy food
– This especially applies to people who turn very red, have watery eyes or sweat a lot in reaction to spicy food.


Today's lesson shall end here because some of you seem to have fainted from panic attacks. Don't worry so much about getting everything right the first time. Sometimes, screwing things up can be quite endearing if you can do it with a quiet confidence and flash a dopey grin instead of being visibly shaken.

Feel free to post questions or comments of your own if I've missed anything.

Happy dating! (Ignore the oxymoron)



P/S: No, no, don't get upset. I said "Ignore the oxymoron", not "Ignore the moron", so I wasn't referring to you, teehee.

Different Similarities

He and I pretty much have nothing in common.

So, when a motorcyclist dangerously cut across the road about 5 inches in front of his speeding car, and we both made disapproving sounds, I did a mental cartwheel. I thought I had finally found something we had in common: a shared hatred for motorcyclists.

Then...

B: Look at that stupid fella. He's wearing slippers!

Maybe they put something in Italian water. Like aliens.

Pandora's Box

****The following entry contains disturbing/offensive graphic material of extreme ugliness.*****************Viewer discretion is advised.*************



Most of you who met me after 2006 probably do not know I used to look like that. Well, BOO!

I don't remember when the picture on the left was taken; during that period, most of my time was spent avoiding reflective surfaces. In fact, I don't remember much of what I used to look like at all. That is, until I stumbled upon this picture the other day while searching for a picture to use for my driving license.

The picture on the right was probably taken last year. While I would not claim to be a beauty by any standards, I would admit that I've come a long way from my ugly duckling days. At least I am acceptable to the society now and not OMGWTFUGLYELEPHANTGIRL!!!

Life was not kind to me when I was younger. I was overweight and had acne (aaah, the joy of puberty). Plus, I was cursed with small eyes and tan skin, a fate most Chinese girls consider worse than death. Some relatives even called me 'Dark, Dark Xingyi', though I grew up thinking it was "Duck, Duck Xingyi", which I never quite understood. As if that wasn't enough to cripple me with inferiority complex, other people insisted on giving me more reasons to hate myself.

Years ago, I was at McDonald's, standing in line. A primary schoolmate named Eugene exclaimed, "Oh my God, Xingyi, you're so fat and you still want to eat more?" In a crowded fast-food outlet. With my other friends around. I managed a weak smile, despite the tears forming, and I had to look away quickly.

Later, a few years down the road, I was talking to Eugene (who at that point had ballooned quite a bit himself) and he told me he couldn't believe he was stupid enough to say such a thing. He said, "Well look who's the fat one now?" and went on to compliment me, though I forget his exact words.

In another situation, I was at a family gathering for Chinese New Year. As we were leaving a relative's house, his wife turned to me and said, "You should start to keep fit", then gave me a look. Another uncle and aunt also grabbed the opportunity to tell me in front of many other people that I'm fat and/or need to exercise. My parents, too, were unforgiving towards their ugly spawn, always pointing out my flaws, especially my physical shortcomings.

The funny thing is: the people who made those comments are now either overweight themselves or, as in the case of a particular aunt, have fat children/grandchildren, of whose weight they don't feel compelled to make snide comments.

While it is arguable that they didn't intentionally humiliate me and only wanted to offer unsolicited advice (not unlike insurance agents), it really begs the question: does it have to be done in front of everyone else? I was well aware I was fat; I didn't need the fact to be brought to the attention of everyone within a 5km radius too, thank you very much. You think I didn't stay up most nights, feeling like I wasn't good enough for the world? You have no idea how much damage you've done to my psyche (all my passive-aggressive angsty goodness had to come from SOMEWHERE).

And for the record, I was more fit than a lot of the skinny girls in my class. We had Physical Education tests. While my eye-to-hand coordination was and is nothing short of worthless, I did more sit-ups and push-ups within a certain time limit than most people in class.

For years, I couldn't look people in the eyes when I spoke to them. I was elected Class Monitor for two years and I dreaded having to speak in front of the class. My face would feel like it's burning and I could actually feel the blood rush to my head. Sometimes I stop breathing for a while when I have to go up on stage alone (often I prayed that our class would not win any weekly awards).

I had so many interesting things to say: jokes, opinions, facts; yet I was muted by my looks. Even now, I have trouble even raising my hand in class to say something because I wanted to avoid attention at all costs. I also have trouble looking at people directly; it's the ostrich syndrome: I don't see you, therefore you don't see me.

It didn't magically happen. It took a lot of determination and hard work. I did about 200-300 sit-ups a day, even in bed before I went to sleep. I cut all my portions gradually until I sometimes had only consommé for lunch and 3 spoonfuls of rice with some vegetables for dinner. I skipped rope, I lifted weights, I walked. I used tissues to blot the oil off fried food (if I'm even eating fried food at all). No supper, no chocolates, no snacks. I lost about 13 kgs. Then I consulted a dermatologist (the nicest doctor ever!) and my complexion started to clear too.

It wasn't easy, but I did what I had to do.

I started to get attention from the opposite sex. I don't know if this was because I made the physical transition or because I went from an all-girls high school to co-ed college. Every time someone asks me out, I want to ask, "Would you date me if I am still as ugly as I was?" Every time someone tells me I'm so funny or smart or witty, I'd think, "Would you have given me the time of your day long enough to know how funny/smart/witty I am if I still looked like a sack of potatoes?"

So don't tell me it turned out okay eventually. Because I'll always carry the battle wounds.

Don't tell me I'm lucky that I started to look better with time. Because I didn't wake up 10kgs lighter on a random Sunday morning while birds chirped happily outside and the sunshine through my window.

Don't tell me looks don't matter, or inner beauty, or all that crap. Because no one gave my inner beauty a chance when I was ugly.

Don't tell me it's superficial to care so much about looks. Because I didn't start out being superficial, but life made me this way.

And most of all, don't tell me I don't know what it's like.

Because I do.

And here, have a picture to balance out the ugly:



Don't ask why I suddenly look like that. I used my k700i camera phone to take this picture in a bus on the way to Johore. And no, I didn't dye my hair; it was the sun.

Diddims

I've just been sorting out the e-mails in my inbox into folders and realized how many things I've forgotten, or forced myself to forget. I came across something an ex-boyfriend wrote me a few years ago:

"I love you babe. Now and forever and past that if indeed there is more to come. You have changed my life and I never want to lose you. If I had a choice of losing everything but keeping you, I wouldn't think twice. I love you and I need you. I don't know how to explain how much you mean to me, Xingyi. I can't describe it and I don't think I will ever be able to. All I know is I can't live without you and your love. Together forever babe." (punctuation edited)

Two months after that e-mail was written, we broke up.

He was one of the most important people in my life, if not the most important, in terms of the impact he had made.

Then, he was gone.

And then people wonder why I have trust/commitment issues.

Soul Collector

Isn't it extremely disturbing that my bestie Raj was reminded of me when he saw this picture? He's likening sweet, dear ol' innocent me to...the essence of evil. The only reason I'm not disowning him (yet) is because the woman in the picture is tall and slender (albeit possibly bald).