Filtered

I took this picture a few months ago, when my hair was still long, with the camera on my phone. The lighting looked fine on my phone screen but once I transferred it to my laptop, it was too dark. I tried to brighten it on Photoshop but unfortunately, tweaks in contrast settings only made it weird. So I fiddled around with other features until I got this. It's weird but I like it

P/S: Check out the Eminem poster behind me. I have since removed it because I haven't even heard his songs in years.

One Utama, Need An Ambassador?

Today marks the 5th day in a row I was in One Utama. This is a personal best for me; Olympics pffft, move over Lee Chong Wei. I deserve some kind of edible chocolate medal for this.

But I digress.

Saturday

I went to One Utama with Muaz to get some materials to make Tasha's birthday present (more on that later). I was in the midst of trying to decide whether to get a small pot or the silver Memory Lane box but Muaz kept bugging me, so I lost focus and had to start my deciding process from scratch:

Hmmm.

Pot. Pretty.

Box. Pretty.

Pot. Pink. Sweet.

Box. Silver. Shiny. Oooh, shiny. Hm, Loga is Shini.

Pot? Yes.

Box? Yes.

Maybe I can get both. Tasha might need the box in case the pot breaks.

Pot. Hm.

Muaz interrupts with: "Get the box, it's cheaper."

Concerned, I ventured foolishly, "Do you think it'd go with my colour scheme?"

Muaz, insensitively roars, "YOU HAVE A COLOUR SCHEME FOR A BIRTHDAY PRESENT?! WHY DO YOU NEED A FREAKIN' COLOUR SCHEME?!"

I finally decided on the box. Then, we went to get 'nasi lemak' (probably the only Malaysian thing he likes). He wanted new shoes too but didn't end up getting any because apparently they're "gay". Our friend still hasn't learnt his lesson from the Russell hairstylist.

Sunday

I took Raj to One Utama and I was supposed to give him a makeover. Unfortunately, Raj is the most difficult and stubborn human being I've ever met with no regard whatsoever for my opinions. He apparently doesn't like brands, logos, fitting clothes and colours (but I think it's just a conspiracy to majorly piss me off). He prefers wearing tents as clothes and jeans made popular by rap video clips back in the '90s. Plus, he kept gravitating towards the EXACT SAME t-shirts as the ones I had specifically told him to burn.

Before we left, we had Häagen Dazs® ice-cream. I told Raj the flavour I picked tasted like clown ass and he gave me a look LIKE I WAS THE CRAZY TENT-WEARING, BRAND-HATING ONE.

He actually looked hot when he tried on some of the things I told (forced) him to try. But try to understand my fury when:

"I don't like this shirt. Can see my nipples."

"Cannot-lah."

"Can." *uses fingers to encircle his nipples*

Oh. My. God. I almost choked him to death with the nipple-revealing shirt.

We ended up buying him two t-shirts without any limbs or lives being lost. It really isn't easy being a fashion consultant. Or Anti-Nipple Boy's best friend.

Monday

After classes, I sent Tasha to the LRT station and picked Brandon. Tasha thinks Brandon is cute, like a puppy. Run, Brandon, run! If you recall, Tasha is the same person who said David Archuleta looks like a puppy and "I just want to strangle him". Yes, puppy=strangle in Tashaland. I really don't know where I find these ridiculous people I allow to be my friends, haha.

We went to have sushi for lunch at Sakae Sushi, where I totally embarrassed myself with the stupid hot water tap. Yummy sushi, slow service. Brandon's treat. He came close to elbowing me out of the way when I took out my purse near the cashier.

Then, we went to watch 21 (also Brandon's treat). There was this crazy Malay chick sitting right next to me who kept talking loudly, not even bothering to whisper. She felt the need to read out the subtitles, ask "Sape nih?" every time a new character appeared and was the only contestant on "Who Can Guess the Next Line?" gameshow.

First of all, 'cik adik', SHUT UP. Secondly, I would gladly tell you who the hell "Sape nih?" is if you would let me watch in peace. I was so irritated with her, but I held in my fury until halfway through the movie, when I was almost blacking out from the mere sound of her voice.

So I leaned over and whispered, "Excuse me, can you please try to be quiet?"

And the brightest light-bulb in the room replied loudly, "Oh, upstairs".

Dumbfounded, I asked, "What?"

Dimwit said, "Toilet, right? Upstairs."

By now, I didn't even bother to be civil, "No, I said, "Be. Quiet.'"

"Oh."

I was finally able to hear again. Aaaah, bliss. For all of 2 minutes.

This time, I didn't even bother.

I was glad when the movie was over. Jim Sturgess is cute but I was in the process of developing chronic tinnitus. Brandon and I went to McDonald's for a sundae and to talk for a bit before leaving.

Thanks, Brandon, it was fun (despite unwanted external factors)!

Tuesday

Yesterday was Tasha's birthday. I had to drive to college carefully (like I usually do, haha) because I didn't want to ruin her present. Loga, Muaz and I got this for her:


Ferrero Rocher and Hershey's Kisses Bouquet

Card

I was so afraid that Tasha would hate me forever because she had specifically demanded for a Toyota Harrier and an all-expense-paid trip to catch Coldplay live in UK. But I had hoped that a bouquet and card handmade from scratch with love would make it up to her. It did not. Her first reaction was to laugh at it and say that it's supposed to be from a boy. *tears forming in my eyes*

After class, we went to TGI Friday's in One Utama for lunch. I drove Tasha, Muaz, Loga and Neera there. Sathen drove on his own.

But there was another surprise in store for Tasha. Trish and I have been planning to surprise her with a visit from Trish. Tasha just went berserk when she saw Trish stading at the entrance.

Tasha noted that I was the only Chinese oddball there. No wonder people always mistake me for being Chindian (*woot woot at Brandon and B-lan, and any other Chindian readers*).

After lunch, I had to send Neera to the Kelana Jaya LRT station. On the way, there was this gold (similar to being shit-coloured) Proton Wira that was driving in the middle of the road. At first I thought he was switching lanes but he was there in the middle like it's his grandfather's road.

PFK 2156: Fucker
I honked at him once, not even loudly, just to let him know he should pick a lane and stick to it. Then he came up from behind me and tail-gated me for a long time. Since he was trying to be funny, I slowed down.

Then, he swerved to the left and wanted to overtake me. At the speed I was going (and let's face it, a Wira is not the fastest car in the history of mankind), he was about 2 inches from swerving right into my car. I honked at him loudly this time. Before I turned off onto another road, I saw him tail-gating another black car. What are you trying to prove, man? Your dick is broken and you have mummy issues? We already know by looking at your stupid dyed-red hair, cheap sunglasses and lame car.

What a fuckwit. I have seen many inept drivers on the road but none can even rival this asshole (with the single exception of BGU 195). If you see this car parked somewhere, I hope you have a coin or key. Though, you know, I do not condone nor encourage vandalism, so this cannot be held as proof in court.

Today

I woke up thinking, "Heh, at least I won't be going to One Utama today".

I was wrong.

We went to have lunch at the yummiest banana leaf rice ever, called Sri Paandi, if I'm not mistaken (we call it Pan-dy's, because we're so cool). Tasha decided to bestow upon me the title of 'Honorary Indian'. I suppose it does seem pretty apt, seeing that I am dating an Indian guy, my bestie is an Indian and I am always with Loga and Tasha in college.

I know some Tamil phrases too, from my education in my primary school bus (I was also one of the VERY few Chinese). "Wo-le-po" means "go in". "Tang-ga-chi" means "sister". "Wo-le-po, tang-ga-chi" means "Go in, sister". I also know "dei", "macha", "une" and "rende". I think I have always been destined for a life of linguistic genius.

Anyway, after Paandi's (where Loga forbade Tasha to call her Pandi), we went to One Utama because Loga wanted to buy some clothes. So there I was again. For the fifth day in a row.

Afloat

You are
The personification
Of perfection.

But something is missing.

I thought I could do this

But I'm not sure I can

I don't need us right now

I just need a friend.

Please walk away
I might scar you for life
Run if you must
I might wring your tears dry.

I'm sorry I'm not:
the person I was
the person you think I am
the person you want me to be.

You said I'm scared
How could someone who knows me so little
See right through my disguise?
How could someone so emotionless
Feel the truth in my lies?

Go away
Before I hurt you
Before I let you destroy me.

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

(Picture Source: Loga)

I miss my long hair! And I realize it's an odd picture but indulge me for a moment. Somehow, when my hair is longer, it's a lot shinier and naturally brownish black. Now that it's short, my hair is so intent on shaping itself like a helmet if I don't brush it repeatedly into shape before it dries.

How ironic that having short hair is more high-maintenance than long hair!

And remember:'A hair in the head is worth two in the brush.' -Oliver Herford

S.O.S.

Yesterday, in the middle of the night, Muaz sent me a text message asking me to call him back. He usually calls me and never asks me to call him, so I thought something terrible had happened, like him getting robbed because he refuses to listen to me.

Instead:

Xing: Hello? Sup? What happened? Are you okay?
Muaz: Yeah, I'm okay. I'm hungry.
Xing: Interesting. Why are you informing me?
Muaz: Because I'm hungry.
Xing: Order McDelivery-lah! Ask me to call you at 1 a.m. and then tell me you're hungry. What the hell?
Muaz: That's why you're calling. Digi is fucked up. I can't reload because they're upgrading service.
Xing: Okay, fine, may I take your order?
Muaz: I haven't decided. I'll text you.

RAWR. RAWR RAWR RAWR. I could kill him sometimes. Okay, most times. Fine, ALL THE DAMN TIME.

After about 20 minutes, he still hadn't sent me a text message. I thought he had passed out from over-working his brain cells.

Then *beep*:

"Ok. I've put a lotta serious thought into this serious matter i now hav in my hands. And i've finally come to a decision. I wil hav the folowin. 1 set large, double cheeseburger. One spicy ayam goren (alacarte). One extra fries (medium). 1 sundae strawberrx. Hehe."

For a person whose MSN Messenger online vocabulary is limited to 'hey', 'sup', 'hehe', 'oh', 'kewl', 'ure stupid' and 'nothin', he finds it necessary to send this to me. And unfortunately, the formation of real sentences that do not include the aforementioned words does not extend to serious instances.

They say birds of a feather flock together.

I really hope not.

More Mr Yee Wisdom

I just remembered something else Mr Yee my English tuition teacher had written on the board:

Stunned man.

He meant stuntman.

E.g. 'The stunned man had only a small part in the movie, which was to jump out of a window".




P/S: I know I haven't been blogging much lately; mostly because I don't have much to say. I'll blog more when I find my voice again.

Mr Yee, Comedian

A few years ago, I had this English tuition teacher who consistently brought joy and laughter to my life every Sunday morning. Some of you might wonder why I would need English tuition. My parents signed me up for some kind of tuition package and insisted that I go for all the classes to maximize the value.

Among the quotable quotes I learnt from dear ol' Mr Yee, who despite the language incompetence, was really a nice guy:

1) Student: Sir, what is mustard?
Mr Yee: Mustard is like durian.

2) Written on the whiteboard: Swimming suite

3) Feedback on my graded essay: Don't use bombastic words, or else you'll get low marks because the examiner can't understand.

This is just the tip of the iceberg. Mr Yee had a lot of other words of wisdom but it escapes me at this moment. I will write more when I remember.

The Mummy: Tomb of Logical Story-lines

(Picture source: http://www.robcohenthemummy.com/)

I watched 'The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor' the other day with Tasha, Loga and Sathen and celebrated the death of good fim-making. We had no choice because we were too late for the first screening of Midnight Meat Train for the day. After sitting through a movie that insults the intelligence of its audience at every opportunity, I think that even watching the latter half of Midnight Meat Train would probably have been better than this. However, it is worth mentioning that I was mildly entertained by the historical discrepancies.

The story-line is not worth a mention, but if you must know: fictional history lesson; son (Alex) excavates evil Chinese emperor's tomb; parents (Ricochet and Evelynn) 'coincidentally' go to China on a mission; all of them land their asses in deep shit; enter Chinese people (Zi Yuan and Lin) who speak fluent English; Jet Li (emperor) goes on a shape-shifting rampage; skeletons fight with terracotta army mummies; and finally, everyone dies except the Caucasian family who can't kung-fu and the Chinese chick who tried to kill the son (Lin).

The plot was predictable and lame. Why is it that people always fall for someone who tries to murder them? Has that ever happened in real life or is this some Hollywood propaganda?

What really irritated me was the attempts to tug at the heart-strings of the audience with really corny dialogue. I actually cringed inwardly a few times. A good example is when Evelyn O'Connell (Maria Bello) asked Ricochet O'Connell (Brendan Fraser) to kiss her, and he said "You don't have to ask me twice". Oh God, I could actually hear a few of my brain cells commit suicide at that exact moment.

The acting was sub-par, despite having quite famous faces like Brendan Fraser, Michelle Yeoh who plays Zi Yuan and Jet Li who plays the emperor mummy. Then there's the general, whose role is played by a Hong Kong actor who is always what the Chinese refer to as "keh-leh-feh" (unimportant cast member). The cast selection, to say the least, undeniably resulted from the essence of stupidity.

I read somewhere that Luke Ford, who plays Rick's son Alex, is only 13 years younger than Brendan Fraser. It's not like he looks very young either; you can tell he's no spring chicken. The actors have absolutely no chemistry. Plus, it is a rule of thumb that in each movie, you should have at least one attractive cast member, but needless to say, this movie has disappointed me in that aspect too. I think the production team of this movie is involved in some bet on how much shittiness a big-budget flick can get away with before someone notices.

My Mandarin is not that good and still I can tell that Luke Ford's stab at the language must have made Confucius turn over in his grave (those of you who are going to comment whining about how Confucius is a philosopher and not a linguist, shut up, I already know). Even Michelle Yeoh's Mandarin lacks the proper melodious flow to it; her words are short and detached (staccato-style, for those of you who learnt Italian terms in your theory of music).

The CGI effects were a spectrum of shit. What was up with the part where they magnified Jet Li's face and multiplied it by three against a background of some blue disco-like background effect? A lot of the effects looked incredibly fake. I think even the special effects in The Exorcist, Jaws and E.T. (which were made years ago) are better than the ones in this movie.

Apart from that, the story-line was extremely predictable and had no dimensions. It's hard to imagine that such a movie can be lauded as a 'blockbuster hit'. Try 'lacklustre shit' (I'm really good with words and not juvenile at all, I know). I can quite honestly say that the only thing I liked about the movie were the three yetis. Pity they didn't make a movie about yetis instead.

Here are some tips that The Mummy team would like to pass on to other aspiring film-makers:

1. When two Chinese characters who have lived for thousands of years in the mountains have to talk to each other, especially when one is in her dying moments, the preferred language is English. With an American accent, no less.

2. A Chinese witch's daughter who has been wearing peasant clothes for 2000 years would, upon the destruction of an evil emperor and her mother's death, wear a Western glittery, sexy dress to dance in a night club. That's what normal people do.

3. With advance technology in plastic surgery and anti-ageing treatments, it is possible to have a son who looks 30 years old when you're 40.

4. If there is a fight scene between the heroes and the villains, the best location to seek is where there are dangerous, bone-crushing ancient machinery. And then the villains should always proceed to die dramatically crushed by the machinery.

5. Being immortal also means you can be a shape-shifter. Because these two mean the same thing.

6. When you travel with a yak, assume that it will vomit. Not on the one sitting in front of the yak, but the one sitting next to the yak (meaning the yak had to turn its head 90 degrees to the right for the vomit projectile angle to be just right). And these things only ever happen to the village idiot.

7. You can shoot at the heroes with a bazooka, but it is always a knife that eventually kills them. The heroes, on the other hand, can use a broken knife to stab a shape-shifting, immortal emperor mummy in the heart and the knife would somehow re-attach. Also, an evil emperor would always listen to the hero when he says "Fight like a man" in English, despite being able to transform into a flying dragon and some furry, bulky animal that runs fast.

8. When there is a life-and-death situation, most people go into a 'fight or flight' mode. Alex, however, finds time to draw a 'divide' symbol in the sand. While Rick is fighting off the evil emperor (who by the way can control 5 elements) nearby, he rationally looks at the symbol and realizes Alex's brilliant idea. At no point in this Fight Club exchange does anyone accidentally step on the sand and erase the symbol.

9. It is essential to know Sanskrit when casting a spell to curse an army but when you want to conjure up the spirits of a skeleton army at the Great Wall, you speak to them in English. It is logical, of course, as are all other elements of this movie.

10. Always reveal the coolest way to die in the beginning of the movie and let it go downhill from there. Fuck the audience; let them drown in a pool of disappointment. By the way, the coolest way to die is to have your limbs pulled apart by horses galloping in different directions. The sex with Zi Yuan had better be worth it.

This movie is definitely in my Top 10 Worst Movies in the History of Humanity. If you have watched it, my deepest sympathy. If you haven't, fall on your knees and thank God. I think the only time I really laughed in reference to this movie was after the movie when:

Loga: But there are really those things right?
Xing: What things?
Loga: Those...those terrapin soldiers.

She meant, of course, the terracota army.