The Amazing Race Asia, It's Over Between Us

(Photo Source: ragbear.com)

I am very upset after watching The Amazing Race Asia Season 3 last night. My favourite team (Henry and Bernie of Malaysia) has been eliminated!

I blame the producers - they used up all the non-elimination legs of the race on Ida and Tania, obviously to boost ratings.

I blame Allan Wu - I'm pretty sure he could have tripped one of the other teams before they reached the stupid mat.

I blame Vince and Sam - co-operate my ass lah, more like leading them down the path of destruction!

I blame the Indian girl at the 'kolam' detour who took her own sweet time handing out the next clue.

And don't think I don't know it's all the elephant's fault. Stupid elephant. Flopping around in the murky pond, looking cute. Ah, but I can see the sinister motive of sabotaging Bernie and Henry behind those seemingly innocent eyes.

I know Tasha must be deliriously happy now that she THINKS I will no longer obsess about Henry and how I'll marry him when I grow up (my brother pointed out that Henry is potentially gay but homosexuality is not an obstacle for me). I've been filling our days with joy, talking about Henry's hot simian features and lean, mean physique. Tasha, being an avid sadist, keeps telling me he's old enough to be my father and that he hasn't got many years left (you see how mean she is?).

I love that Henry (we're operating on a first-name basis like he's my BFF because he is but just doesn't know it yet) is so nice to his sister. I think he's even more OCD than AD (remember the MAS Kargo task where he kept trying to force Bernie to be organized, or the time he told Bernie to touch up the 'kolam'?). He's polite, respectful, friendly and gracious (well, so's Bernie actually, but I think she has a shorter fuse and she does not have hot simian features). He raced with integrity and has principles, like helping the hobbits (Vince and Sam) out with the ancient coins or something.

So now, the teams left are: Ida and Tania, Geoff and Tish, AD and Fuzzie, as well as Sam and Vince. I really don't like Sam and Vince (and not just because they are two-faced, sneaky short bastards), so I hope they'll be eliminated next week. Then perhaps AD and Fuzzie, although I do admire them for making it this far despite being the most physically-challenged team ever.

But if previous seasons are anything to go by, Sam and Vince will probably win this and blow the shit out of everyone, because the universe takes pride in its ability to deny me of everything I want.

I'm going to be in a coma of depression for the next few days, in case you haven't already figured it out on your own.

Goodnight, Insomnia

You know you've got a problem when it's 4.57 a.m. and every muscle in your body is aching to high heaven, but you can't sleep. Despite being given unfortunate variations of the most unflattering degree (e.g. lazy piggy, hampiggy, ham ham, hamter, piggers), I don't sleep that much. But I am lazy, that I'll admit.

Some days, retail therapy does you so much good that you're deliriously happy for a week. Today, I got my loot of perfumes, cosmetics, shampoo, skin care, a bed sheet set, and a dress. Tomorrow, books! You've just got to love good bargains!

I know I haven't been blogging much lately. I could come up with excuses but I know that my readers (those that appreciate the humour anyway) would immediately see through them and I don't want to insult their intelligence.

The truth is, lately, my social calendar has been filled to the brim with exciting events due to my super celebrity. On days that I'm not being fed (SEEDLESS!!!) grapes by a shirtless Adonis while basking in the sun beside the pool of eternal youth, I also champion enough UN causes to give Angelina Jolie a run for her money (though I'd be more likely to run from her in case she wants a vial of my blood). I am also forced to take over 'The Oprah Winfrey Show' on days when I have a break in my schedule to help boost ratings, but of course, they had to rename it 'The Xingyi Show' guest-starring Opie, my BFF.

If you think I've officially lost it, you should hear some of my conversations with Tasha or Tommy Tomato (Comot/Raj's new nickname). I have a tendency to spew words of unrecognized and unappreciated genius. Tasha called my last two sessions of imparted wisdom 'Period Talk Part I' and 'Period Talk Part II', in which I discussed the impending doom of my potential death from period cramps, convinced that I have stomach cancer (shut up; it is a medical term if I say it is).

And I'm allowed to say nonsensical stuff.

You try being awake at 5.26 a.m., tired but insomniac, starving but fat.

Let's Make It Official

As some of you already know, I have decided to name my car Stella Stell La Magnifique. It was either that or Princess Pikachu, so I think I made the right choice, oui?

I have been miserably car-less for a week now because some buttcake was being careless. He hit my car while my brother was driving it and my bro hit a tree when he lost control. Bloody hell.

I shall not elaborate, lest I rupture a blood vessel. But most of you already know the story anyway, seeing as my brother has been going around promoting himself like he's the Terminator locked in a dramatic car chase scene, spun out of control, jumped out of the car unscathed and kung-fu-kicked the tree down.

The moral of the story: Never lend your brother your car. No matter whose fault it is, YOU will be the one waking up 3 hours earlier and going back 3 hours later to hitch a ride.

Two Decades Have Taught Me Something Afterall

I love learning and knowing through observations. These are some things I've learned which years of school would never teach you:

1) Sometimes, the RM8.90-for-1000ml shampoo is better for your hair than the RM226.90-for-200ml one.

2) Shit happens. Cellulite also happens.

3) Love is not enough. Love will not save you. You can save yourself. And that will be enough.

4) Smiling and being quiet scares people so much more than screaming and shouting does.

5) If Oprah says it's right, and you say it's wrong, then you're wrong.

6) Never discuss language (and your good command of one) with someone who can speak seven. Your ass will be PWNED, n00b (I'm speaking nerd as a tribute to Comot).

7) Not all books are worth reading. Some books not only teach you nothing, but also manage to kill a couple of brain cells along the way (e.g. 'Chapatti or Chips' by Nisha Minhas).

8) Mosquitoes are everywhere. You can run, but they can fly.

9) If Loga tries to send you pictures of any guys you don't personally know, click 'Decline'.

10) Sports come as a package with the man in your life. Embrace it; resistance is futile.

11) It IS possible for two heterosexual people of opposite sexes to JUST BE FRIENDS.

12) Never join The Amazing Race Asia with a beauty queen or a spoilt brat who'll make you carry her bags (all 37 of them). Don't join with Tasha either. Everytime I make her practise jumping on the mat in college, she ignores me and walks away from it. Like that, how to win?

13) For nothing to become everything, you have to give something.

14) "Sorry, technical problem" is an excuse that can be used in any situation. It is the new "My dog ate my homework".

15) If you anticipate any form of alcohol consumption for the night, don't wear the tube/corset top. Speaking of which...

16) You should always try to forgive a friend who forgave you for puking in his car. And on his jacket. And on his head.

17) The grass is ALWAYS greener on the other side. The key to contentment is to accept your grass and stop poking your nose into other people's lawns.

18) The best way to fall asleep is in someone else's arms.

19) Some guys are not worth your tears. Some girls are not worth your time. Some people are not worth the oxygen.

20) I don't need to rely on someone to give me happiness. I'm perfectly capable of finding it on my own.